Wham Bam by Judyth Emanuel


Me! Pretty god-damn awesome
today. YAY. Holy doper happy yip hap. Hakuna matata. Ta. Nom nom nom. And
bright nice titties. Hot waxed pubes yell ouch. Bare bulb dims the pluck brow.
Still. Fudged eyebrows perfect brows frame gobs blue shadow and plumped lips.
Roller hair fizzup. Not one strand snaps. Curly funk fuckie.

Off I go adventuring

And monster
truck honks horn frights me. Bloke gazza yellow hard hat wolf whistles. Full of
himself Jay Z look-a-like. Ignore. Keep walking. Get lost perv pervert.
Dickhead foots a follow across the park. Tell him my killer boyfriend knife
gouges people. Is that too meanie mean?

him off

Head for
the train station

Expert hopper WOO go easy
jump barrier. Clever avoid never bought tickets for past year. Officer catch
caution me. I lie a lovely lie in a really sweet talk.

“My headphones
plug ears in Sir do not hear buspass bip of none empty credit Sir.”

Big cheesy smile.

Ooh now bloody abuse hate
on by old manky grey haired flowery shirt bitch. She sneery at my sexy dress
lace black see-through. And backless. So what. Dumb figure. Yeah mild crack up
poke out tongue bounce
a glare. Over it.

Cuz I at the mall. In fairy
land. See shopper fat
ankles. Her bum cellulite cheeks burst out of denim
shorts. Stilettoes wobble caked hell girl in my face soooo awful. Gives some
heavy stare. Think buy myself gun glock luger ruger take a crackshot at losers
neurosasaurouses trying to be hektik in them there head.

Woops. Walk into Men’s loo.
By mistake. Such a bog. Two guys at urinal freak stop mid-pee hide dicks.

Phew. Need a ciggie.

Gutted this shock price of a smoke sky
high. Whole world retarded. Cheaper to buy drugs fuk
government which why I not vote.

Go hang at his dive.

And howl see my fave beautiful
again. Pash suck sex him sooo good. This priest boy scout wanker bangs like a
head banging space-cat. But my bronze body self-tanned Rimmel sun shimmer high
intensity ultra-tanning stains his skin. Shite pisses him off now his stomach
and hands color of diarrhea from rubbing my boobies.

Later do not bother check
cap is on before soda shake explode.

Everywhere. Hot day

Heatwave grog girl spits spews hotter. Fuck me bored scary movies pony ice-pack iced lollies
choc-ice. Sick.


Look in that mirror of
somedays I just wanna shoot myself in the face. Bullshit gotta go through some
crap. And mental shit stupido psycho babe. Remember moshing. Bruises scarred to
prove it. Chewed thumb swear hand on princess diaries, I not do anything.

But. Arghhh AAHHH fricken
love everything everyone. Jibber a gabber this love the love dogs cats life
music vodka weed cigarettes friends not all of them.

Now wish for super destroyer
powers. How cutsie me cape superman tights in a fight. Girl captain planet.
Whammy kick arse BAM. Fucken supreme nerd human being I am wham bam. Such fluky
luck remembers
blessed. Something. Reckon my skinny flat butt of
gorgeous. See now how life is goodest beastie best.

Write this pink junk spew
on a cupcake wrapper. What a wonky thrash metal wankeress am too am too am too.


Wham Bam


Judyth Emanuel has short stories published in Overland Literary Magazine, Electric Literature Recommended Reading, Literary Orphans, Intrinsick, Fanzine, Quail Bell, STORGY, One Page and Joiner Bay MRP 2017 Anthology. Her stories are forthcoming in Thrice Magazine, Verity Lane, PULP Literature. She is a finalist in The Raven Short Story Contest, semi-finalist for the Conium Review Flash Fiction Contest and shortlisted for the Margaret River Short Story Prize.


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