Huey Lewis and No News
It’s a dream of mine to have Huey Lewis to play at my wedding, to be swaying on a dance floor to his sweet crooning, to be jamming to his infectious brand of throwback rock and roll, to cap off my greatest day with the single greatest entertainer of the last 50 years.
But I do not want The News. Screw The News!
Everybody always says “Huey Lewis and The News” like they are some inseparable being that is destined to be together forever. God, I hope not. All that band has done is leech off of Huey’s success. You don’t turn on entertainment programs looking to see where the drummer from The News spent his last vacation, do you? Huey’s got 16 acting credits on IMDB so far. How many movies has the drummer been in? Do you even know the drummer’s name? I do because I’ve kind of put a lot of time into hating that a-hole, but believe me, I wish I didn’t.
Have you ever heard Huey play on other people’s albums? Thin Lizzy? Umphrey’s McGee? I’ll send you some mp3s. His harmonica and vocals are incredible without all those News bums messing up his sound. Huey did an INCREDIBLE cover of “Oh! Darling” on a Beatles tribute album that is just… heavenly, inescapable evidence that he needs to go solo already.
All of us real Huey fans know what the problem is here. By all accounts, he’s a very nice guy in real life, and his loyalty is legendary in this business. That’s what kept him from dumping those losers years ago. I’d love a chance to corner him and get him to leave the band behind. Sometimes I dream about it actually happening at my wedding. I picture it right before everyone has to leave the venue, maybe some of the wedding being shut down around us while we’re chilling at one of the tables. I’m exhausted from the big day, maybe a little loose from a few glasses of bubbly, and he’s there. He’s relaxed too, with an undone tux still around his shoulders, gracious with his time like always. In the beginning, I’m sure I’d be all “Mr. Lewis, blah blah blah” but he calms me down, “hey man, the name’s Huey.” Now, we’re just two guys chilling at the end of a long, beautiful day, two kindred souls, cards on the table time, and… out it comes.
And he hears me. I can tell it’s not the first time anyone has told him what I have to say, but it is the first time he really hears it, you know?
So I’ve made up my mind. Whomever I get married to will simply have to understand that I am not letting any of The News — past or present, so don’t try to sneak in Mario Cipollina or Chris Hayes — play at my wedding.
The only way I would accept any of The News is in the sad event that Huey declines to sing and play harmonica, but still agrees to help me pay witness to my joyous union by coming as a regular guest. This would be disappointing, but having him there in any capacity would be monumental. Obviously, I would be extending Huey a plus one, and then one of The News could show up as his date as like a loophole/pity thing. That’s it.
You know what, I wouldn’t be surprised if those harmonizing bastards were actually blackmailing Huey to make him stay with the band! That would actually explain a lot. I need to think about that one for sure. For sure.
Anyway, to answer your question, I really don’t care where we go on our first date. I’m a real chill guy about stuff, so I’m pretty much open to whatever.
Steve Bogdaniec is a writer and teacher, currently teaching at Wright College in Chicago. Steve has had poetry and short fiction published in numerous journals, most recently Eclectica Magazine, Silver Birch Press, One Sentence Poems, and Blood Lotus. Follow him on Twitter! Just kidding—he never posts anything there anyway.
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(Pictured derived from Huey Lewis & The News Greatest Hits)